The support of my Sunshine
I am beyond blessed to live in such a supportive community and have such a supportive girlfriend. I can honestly say that without my girlfriend I would have gone crazy by now. She sees me struggle everyday with the fact that I am trans but have to hide this from where I work. Every day I go to work as male and wear that all-to-familiar mask that hides the true me. It hurts more than words, and I feel like I am lying to all my co-workers. I do this because I work for the government and with the current political attitude I felt it was better to wait until my position became permanent, witch is only 206 days away. Until then I hide.
There are times that I want to go out and enjoy the world; times that I just want to come out at work; times when I want to break away from my male self, but I know I cannot do that yet. That rips me apart, down to my core. If I’m not careful I can quickly fall down that blackhole of despair.
That is where my Sunshine comes to support me. My girlfriend is the sunshine that brightens up my life. She has said many times that she doesn’t know exactly how to help me out, but she does so much for me. Just being there for me, letting me know that she supports me. When she just listens to what’s bothering me. When she holds me as I breakdown. Without my Sunshine all the waiting and hiding would be unbearable.
I share this with you so you can understand why support is so important. Even the littlest thing makes such a big difference when I’m having a rough day. Everyone should find someone who supports them or a support group. They may not have all the answers nor need to have any answers. Being supported makes even the hardest task or journey that much easier when you know there is someone who has your back.